I’ve been called on a journey again. I’ve been working with psychopomps as I consider a career change to be a mortician.

I planned to dress as Anubis for Halloween, when I usually pick a god or goddess to evoke and embody. I was working in meditation with Anubis and asking myself difficult questions about becoming a guardian of the dead. And he challenged me.

But October was a difficult month. I was excited for Halloween but Mercury Retrograde waylaid all my plans and then a head injury canceled Halloween altogether for me. My costume stayed in the closet, my mask stayed on its perch.

Thankfully, I started feeling better in November so I bought a ticket to see one of my fav witch house DJ/producers. I decided to use the concert as my belated Halloween celebration and planned to wear the hot skirt and corset top I bought for my Anubis costume.

The Friday of the show started rather mundanely. Every Friday, I wait for the Sabbath Queen to arrive. When the Sabbath Queen arrives, I just know. The tone at work changes. Things calm down, and I’m ready to sail into the weekend. I never know when she’ll arrive, but she always does. So I was reading about Sabbath offerings that Friday morning and realized I’d been neglecting honoring Aphrodite.

I have a 2nd job and get scheduled on Fridays a lot, so my in home rituals pretty much stopped. I didn’t know that problem had been noted on the other side.

Then it suddenly occurred to me that perhaps Aphrodite was unhappy with me. She is my main goddess and so I decided to honor her and offer an apology.

I decided to go to the show I had tickets for but make it a date night with myself. I did everything with loving intention for the rest of the day. After work, I ate a delicious sushi dinner, walked home and saw a shooting star. I blinked, surprised that the goddess responded so quickly. I made a wish and picked a single, white rose for my altar (it’s been so warm roses were still blooming). When I got home, I built a little altar for Aphrodite and honored her with  ritual. I danced to do a goddess invocation. Then I took a nap, woke up, dressed with intention and headed out the door.

Everything about that show was unexpected but I never have expectations when I go to a show.

But there were signs.

I saw a girl with 222 tattooed over her heart in the bathroom.

My daily draw and my horoscope had also implied I’d meet someone, but having no love interests, I brushed it off.

But 222 never lies.

I was puzzled because even though this producer has been around for a minute and I’ve been one of his fans since the beginning, all of his fans were WAY too young for me. 

Who in the world am I meeting here?

I moved on from the nudge to be on the lookout for a heart connection because I was ready to hit the dancefloor, and finding the best dance spot was my top priority.

After roving the venue, I picked a spot in the balcony. If you know me, you know dance is my favorite form of ritual. I dive into the music. I become it. I let it lead as my dance partner. I was inspired to intentionally open my heart wide while dancing …

 And by chance, right before I left the venue, I met an amazing man.

And he wasn’t just some rando, he was the producer I came to see.

As soon as he smiled at me and said hello in a cute, English accent, I knew.

I walked past the meet and greet line because I thought it ridiculous that I seemed to have caught the attention of the star of the show. But curiosity got the best of me, and I circled back after I bought a T-shirt.

I had a good run in the entrainment industry in my 20s and early 30s. I’ve met lots of successful, beautiful, talented men. I’ve worked with, been courted by and even dated rockstars. I’m not one to be star struck and never get in the queue at meet and greets. Having been on the other side of meet and greets as an artist, I don’t find lining up as a fan interesting. But I wasn’t tired and no one would go to goth night with me. I didn’t want to go home so I lined up to introduce myself to the artist to kill time.

Security tried to shoo me away because I was last in line, but another fan convinced security to let me stay in the meet and greet line by letting me go in front of him. I did like the fans I met. They were young, but they were kind and fun

I wouldn’t have named myself the belle of the ball — I would have voted for the tall, skinny, alternative model looking girl in the pleather mini skirt and stiletto boots. But when it was my turn to meet the artist, his eyes lit up and he was drawn to me immediately. I introduced myself and we hit it off right away.

Then suddenly, I felt like I was on a speed date that was going incredibly well with someone I never would have guessed would fancy me. I was the 2nd to last person in line and we talked for about ten minutes. We were on the same page about esotericism and music and pretty much god damn everything that came up.

I’ve written to his music in the background for years, including rock star romances. It all felt incredibly surreal because I felt like we were characters in one of my stories and his music was the soundtrack.

But as my mentor, a brilliant physicists I jokingly call Merlin has taught me, when you work quantum magick, time is not linear and your magick can influence different timelines — past, present and future.

Somehow, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d manifested the meet and greet turned cute meet through my writing. Most musicians to me are background noise and I rarely look up their pictures or read about their lives. I didn’t even know what this guy looked like before we met.

As soon as the producer and I started talking, we started touching each other.

He asked for my contact info twice because I didn’t give it to him the first me.

Even when I handed him my card, I didn’t think it would really do any good because he’s a rock star just passing through on his way back to the UK. He has 150k followers on Instagram and his popularity is only increasing. But why the hell not chat for a moment?

Then he pulled me into a hug that stirred a mysterious awakening in me.

I think I even said “Wow” because he felt like pure bliss and he held me close for longer than a hug with a fan lasts — and I can say this from having interacted with my own fans. We stopped hugging and he pulled me in for another one.

The intensity of the two gigantic hugs he gave me was confusing.  I had never experienced the sensation I felt when we hugged heart to heart. It was like stepping through a bubble of unconditional love that burst when he embraced me. How could this man who was just passing through my life, align so perfectly with my heart chakra?

Why is this happening? With a rock star, right here, right now?

I sank into his arms. I wanted to kiss him, but not in front of his fans. And I think he wanted to kiss me too because he invited me to connect with him after the show.

It felt so right to my heart …

But my Capricorn pragmatism kicked in and called me back to earth. The whole idea of going on a date with a rock star from the UK seemed terribly far fetched.

Honestly, I was disappointed he wasn’t just a regular guy because I could have expored the connection without feeling like a pick me. He and I had so much in common right off the bat that if he was anyone but the artist, I would have said absolutely let’s go somewhere right now!

But the fact is, he’s an up and coming artist so I paused. I was always professional when I was dancing. As a former entertainer, I never tried to pick up fans. I never let fans break through and see the real me. I let them keep the illusion.

So I reasoned if he was interested, he could contact me since he had my card because I didn’t want to look like a crazed fan or have a one night stand that would ruin his music for me.

So I walked away from him, although I definitely regret it now.

But another timeline, I’d like to think we made the most of the night like we’re going to die young.

I thanked Aphrodite for the gift, though because it was her doing.

I know her well enough to know when she is happy, her gifts are deeply sensual. For example, Aphrodite sculpted my breasts with her magic as a “thank you” when I evoked her successfully for the first time in 2016. Now it’s a fact I have beautiful breasts because the goddess favors me.

But besides trying to hook me up with a literal rock star, more importantly, Aphrodite used Mr. Long Gone as a messenger. The goddess reminded me through that encounter, to properly honor her through honoring myself, my beauty, my charm and my creativity as her dedicate. And to always remember: I am worthy.

I left the venue and called a Lyft home. I started to realize something was up: the Lyft driver was enchanted by me too. He tried and tried to get me to give him my contact information.

I realized my dance to the goddess at home wasn’t an invocation, it was an evocation and Aphrodite, the goddess, went out as me, cloaked in my flesh.

I took a ritual bath when I got home to cool down and end the evocation.

I also intentionally washed away any lingering negativity from the literal bump I got on my head in October and Baptise myself in the love of the goddess.

I did poke the rock star on Instagram a couple days later on Sunday just to see if he wanted to be buddies, but I didn’t get a response. So I took it that the opportunity had passed, wrote it off as a fun flirt and vowed to seize the day the next time something exciting happens.

I thought that feeling of that strange night would pass, but as the days went by, the feeling of the encounter with the rock star lingered.

I dreamed he was texting me the following Wednesday and told me he lost my number. After figuring out Aphrodite had come to him through me, I told him in the dream, “I don’t care”. I reframed it in my dream as a him problem and not a me problem. The goddess doesn’t just come to anyone and he missed out as much as I did.

I woke up from the dream annoyed and went to an appointment. I was trying to find the address for my appointment in my phone and stumbled across the rock star’s number saved in my contacts. I don’t remember saving his number and I had no idea how I got it. I read that someone can share their number with your contacts through instagram so I guess he shared it with me through social media? But if so, why didn’t he just tell message me and tell me he gave me his number instead of just hiding it in my phone? I researched the number and it was unlisted but the town the number was registered for made sense. I tried calling the number but it was disconnected, so I guessed he’d left the country.

I read my cheapo horoscope book for kicks, like I always do at the end of the month, and I got called out by a damn book. I kicked myself in the ass that I didn’t find that phone number sooner. I concluded for a rock star, this guy was incredibly shy.

I took my feelings of frustration about my missed opportunity into meditation to try to comprehend why meeting this traveling performer for 10 minutes felt so important. Obviously, he was gone gone. But there was a bigger message there.

Then, it came to me that he is a powerful healer. What I felt when our heart chakras aligned was the result of a spontaneous healing. My poor heart chakra has suffered so much trauma, but this person touched it with a healing light.

Perhaps this musician knows he has this ability to heal others with his music and his light, and perhaps he doesn’t yet.

I admit, I think it’s impossible to see him again. It would have been cool if I had suspended my attachment to practicality long enough to follow him into the night. I know Aphrodite would have made sure we had an incredible night. But I feel the purpose of our short but fated meeting was the powerfully healing and I am grateful to have received it because every day I wake up feeling different and my close friends have noticed how I glow. I hope that Aphrodite blessed him in whatever way he needed from meeting me as well.

For funsies, I had both a friend and a professional Tarot reader read for me. Both readers said it sounds crazy but they see the rock star and I meeting again. I laughed and said, that’s fantasy. Stranger things have happened, but my Capricorn pragmatism keeps me grounded in reality.

So instead of fantasizing about a seemingly impossible future, I say, “thank you” to the musician in my heart because I can’t say “thank you” to him directly. And I look forward to watching him as a rising star.

And that’s where I left that.

Then, while I was processing receiving the healing, I was guided back to psychopomp work. 

Persephone appeared in the form of a #pommegrant I found in the park on Thanksgiving day. I was fascinated and followed the symbolism of the pomegranate to connect with Persephone, the goddess I feel like I embody.

I bought ritual supplies and spent the Friday after Thanksgiving in the Botanic Gardens reading up on Persephone. I admired the fading beauty of Autumn. We’re on the brink of winter and it feels like this winter will be a time of heart centered solitude, healing and creativity.

That evening,  I offered a pomegranate in exchange for more guidance on the mystery of the goddess unfolding. The book I bought about Persephone invited me to review the meaning of being a priestess and the privilege of performing mystery plays and bestowing initiations upon members of my esoteric order. That was an interesting message because our order is all about the way of the heart.

But the fever from that Friday in mid November, would not break. Ever since I came back to the Unites States in 2011 after chasing dreams of being a dancer all over the world, I’ve been an almost. Every damn time SOMETHING awesome — a big break, a great love, an awesome job is about to manifest …

I lose my magic…

I’ve been trying to figure out how to get this block out of the way because I WANT to go in a different direction but circumstances out of my control always seem to interfere.

But this time around, I’d been on fire for two weeks and the fire fueling me propelled me to vow to psychically destroy whatever it is standing in my way this time. I decided this time, I’d confront it head on and with force.

I did A LOT of research, decided the method I would use, and drew up my plans. 

I made “wine” for Hecate and made a date to meet her at the crossroads.

About crossroads work: if you want to meet Heckate, you must be prepared to make a sacrifice and you must offer something rare and valuable to her. You must make sure your spell has aged properly and is flavored correctly. It’s a lot of work, but when you please her, she opens the way.

So I made the ambrosia using a base I’d been working for several months. I created my home brew in trance while practicing my lines for the ceremony I am performing later this month with #TheTraditionalMartinistOrder. I felt the  Energy of the rite and am honored to be trusted with the role of #priestess. It felt like the words transformed my offering. As for the ambrosia,  it is  otherworldly intoxicating and I had to use chamomileoil to cool the electricity down so I could sleep. My room smelled so intoxicatingly sweet and I felt drunk on alchemy. The offering was so sweet that I wish I had smellovision so you could smell it.

Then, on the agreed time at the agreed place, I put on the cloak of the psychopomp and went out to meet Heckate with the intention to tell her I deserve what I’m asking for — a clear road so that I can draw to me all I am manifesting. 

 I timed my trip to the crossroads for the #fullmoon, and a super moon after a snowstorm for that matter. There wasn’t a soul out and everything was wrapped in a blanket of crystals. 

Snow always amplifies spellwork because it literally is crystals IMO, and the fresher, the better. The coulds had cleared and the moon lit the way. I took an armful of gifts with me for Heckate. There was a shadowy figure nearby playing with their dog. #hecate brings dogs with her so it was a good sign. I read a pslam to make sure no one on the other side would think I was there to sell my soul. Then I made the offering and went home a different way. 

The road sparkled, fresh and open. I took my time and admired the christmas lights. I saw an owl made out of snow and knew my offering was accepted.

I was so tired the day after releasing all that all I did the next evening was rest.

I have some plans but am not sure how they will come to pass. But Hecate told me to trust.

And an odd sign appeared as I focused on my next manifestation:

Today a man was handing out $10 bills on the bus and at first I thought there was a catch but no, he really was just handing out money. So I took $10 from him and took it as a sign that if I want things to change, I have to take a risk and I’ll remember that.

Well, that’s all for me for now.

How is your super full moon in Gemini?