Yesterday was a crazy day for me emotionally.  Maybe it was the full moon’s power combined with my hormones but I went through every prism of emotion yesterday.

I pulled some cards about a job interview I had yesterday and the Queen of Cups, the Knight of Cups and the Page of Cups all came up. The Knight of Wands was also randomly thrown in there. I knew right away when I walked into the interview who the Queen and Knight of Cups were so I played the part of Page of Cups. I may have another interview next week so that’s when I’ll meet the Knight of Wands most likely.  The interview was about doing some work in city housing and lots of references to castles and home and moving came up which was also interesting. I think my reading helped guide me to do well so I’m happy about that.

My friend’s mom, who can be rather particular, had asked me to paint a sign for her for an event. I agreed to do it and before I dropped it off with her, I pulled the Four of Pentacle and Ten of Swords. I took that to mean that her mom was going to not like the sign and be judgmental of it and I was right. I took the sign to her and she hated it.  I told her three times not to pay me for it but she did.  I felt it was unethical to take money from an unhappy client.  I  left a message for her after I left because it really bothered me and told her to take the money and go to Kinkos to get something that suits her better and wished her luck at the event she was working. Then I ripped up the check.

I didn’t feel very Ten of Swordish but I was supposed to have a review with a beta reader of my novel from an online writing group I’m in. I thought from the Ten of Swords that I’m going to really feel discouraged after the review and I was right. The beta reader pointed out some of the weak, inconsistencies in my characters that I was well aware of but wasn’t certain how to fix. I was very grateful for him taking an hour and a half to talk to me and help me. He was really interested in my story but he emphasized that my characters need to be consistent and simplified in order for people to understand and relate to them. My boyfriend and the beta reader have both said before that my characters can be really clueless sometime so I have to go back and fix my characters and my dialouge and I just felt really frustrated because there’s so much work to do and I don’t even know where to start.

I was thinking about how I gave each character a court card and I need to go through my workbook and focus on the Court Card in relationship to my characters and use it as a way to keep them consistent so I can use the Court Card personality to ask myself what a character would do in a situation.

I’ve put a request out to the Universe asking to bring me a mentor that will really work through my story with me page for page and help me with my strengths and weaknesses. I need a mentor that doesn’t care about getting paid because I have no money or I need a financial blessing to afford a mentor.

I went to bed feeling shitty and wanting to throw all of my art in the garbage can.

I’m going camping today so hopefully, connecting with nature will help me get back on track.

And now I’m out the door.

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