Turn Off the Lights

It was a dark and stormy night during the last Biddy Tarot Foundations Class Webinar. Our focus was on cards 10-21. The weather was appropriate because we discussed the cards that  I find to be the darkest and most confrontational; Death(XIII), The Devil (XV), The Tower (XVI) and the Moon (XVIII) during this lecture.  There are a few hopeful cards sprinkled in this mix between the stretch of darkness and light like Temperance (XIV) and the Star (XVII) But we really don’t see the sun again until we get to the Sun card  (XIX).

The deck I used for reference during this class was my 3D Tarot deck by Lo Scarabeo.  It’s a  deck that will take you deep into the major Arcana through holographic art. The 3D images let you step into the tarot and feel surrounded by the images as they pop out at you. You’ll start to see things under the surface that sharpen your psychic senses. It’s an extremely powerful deck.

Things got pretty intense as I listened to Brigit’s lecture punctuated with thunder, lightening and disrupted video streaming due to the storm. I felt myself enter the special world of each tarot card and was forced to confront some of my own inner demons. It’s nice that this lecture occurred when it did because  I’m coming up on editing the chapters of my novel that involve many of these darker cards. But I’ve found I can’t really get myself to go as dark as I need to go to really make these scenes have the impact I want.

I guess it didn’t help that I watched  Eraserhead, David Lynch’s first twisted, avant garde film, with my boyfriend after class.  I went to bed feeling unsettled and aware of the darkness in the world.

The thunderstorms continued all night and the storms came into my dreams. There was a flash of light and I saw my 3D Tarot Deck.  Then the Tower flew at me as thunder crashed. The next card to fly at me was the ugly, binding Devil. I think the Emperor made a brief appearance but the card that stood out the most was the High Priestess. She bent and morphed and shimmered like an illusion in front of me. I felt like I was inside the Hologram card and I became the High Priestess. I didn’t receive any sort of special knowledge, I simply accepted that I was the High Priestess. It reminded me of the Fool’s Journey mediation Brigit shared with us and what the High Priestess said when I met her on the journey.

“You are the High Priestess.” I woke up wondering what it all meant (besides the fact that I stared at my Tarot cards for too long).

Interestingly enough, I read this passage the day after class. “Generally, the Shadow represents the hero’s fears and unlikeable, rejected qualities: all the things we don’t like about ourselves and try to project onto other people.”  pp 163 The Writer’s Journey

My altar that I built when I was studying the Gevurah, the Sephirot of strength, on the Tree of Life.

My altar that I built when I was studying the Gevurah, the Sephirot of strength, on the Tree of Life.

So let’s bring all of this full circle.  I’ve been thinking a lot about how to show the heart of darkness in my writing without compromising my own inner light. But there can’t be darkness without light. I feel that it is a message telling me that I must confront my darkness in order to conquer it. I need to look at what the darkness is inside me so I can let it go, like the figures in the Devil card who have the choice to leave their darkness behind but they remain chained by their own choices.

So the question I have to ask myself is: what are some of the parts of my shadow self that I need to let go? What parts of my shadow self are holding me back and preventing growth? How can I use what I learn from these questions in my writing to create the appropriate shadows of my heroes?

I’ll let you know what I find out.


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