All love is a ménage à trois: On Devotion to Venus and her role as the Empress


The idea of the triple goddess, Maiden, Mother and Crone, has never set well with me. I’ve chosen not to purposely pursue the path of pregnancy so I feel that goddess lore targeted towards women my age is restrictive. You could equate “pregnancy” to “creativity” but that’s too abstract for me. So instead, I’ve chosen to devote myself to goddesses dedicated to sex and sexuality. Procreation without conception is my creativite impulse and inspiration.

This is the biggest reason I’m devoted to the goddess, Venus. Although Venus is a mother, her role as the embodiment of feminine sexuality resonates with me and her role as a mother is just an after thought. 

My heart is like the Ace of Cups, overflowing with eternal love that can fill many cups. I’m a polytheist and I have trouble loving just one God or Goddess. I’m also polyamorpus at my core because even in a relationship, my heart struggles to give all my love to one person. Honestly, I have yet to find a single person that can contain every drop of the eternal springs of my love. 

Despite this, I’ve chosen a monogamous path because my partner is the closest thing to home I’ve ever known. Sometimes my love accidentally spills out all over the floor and flows out through the cracks in the windows and doors and into the cups of different people. Those who have sought to drink every drop of my love have drowned in depths of my emotions and sexual cravings. Those who stay with me drink in moderation. My partner and I have talked about all of this and I’m lucky I have a man who loves me enough to try to understand that love, for me at least, is a complicated, multidimensional thing. It’s been a trial and a struggle throughout my life to come to understand my unquenchable thirst to give and receive love and affection. 

A beautifully poetic book called Soulmates by psychologist Thomas Moore found me when I was struggling to understand why and how I love. And it’s been my guide on a journey to understand love this summer.

There are so many profound ideas based on mythology and it’s link to psychology in this book. Each chapter is a new discovery but the chapter that inspired this blog entry is called “Creative Illusions in Romantic Love” and focuses on the ways of the goddesses Venus as a lover, a temptress and a trickster. And since the Moon is in Venus ruled Taurus, I decided to take time to explore some of the ideas.

More postulates that all love is an illusion because we act out dramas based on our desires and fantasies. Some people reveal in the illusion of perfect love and can remain in character, staying lost in that illusion with one person for the rest of their lives. Personally,I’m starting to feel that most love affairs are actually expressions of our own self love projected on others. And through expressing that love, we come to love ourselves.

This is the darker side of love. The soul awakens to desires that are not in line with the monogamous socially constructed moral code when we see how we love ourselves in others. 

Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with loving more than one person. To repress what the soul desires is both to restrict the heart and spoil the ability to love yourself and therefore love others, completely. 

A quote that struck me, which More pulled from a source that escapes me, is “All love is a ménage à trois.” Whether it be literal or two people’s spirits joining together to become one through sacred sexuality, all love is a threesome.
The threes of the Tarot express this perfectly. The Venus ruled Empress is numbered 3, alluding to the playful nature of Venus who seeks out more than one partner. Three is the number of two becoming one, an extremely sexual number. The shape that describes the number 3 is the triangle. 
Let’s look a little closer at the geometric symbolism behind the number 3. The masculine elements, fire and air, are represented by upright triangles. The feminine elements of earth and water, are represented by upside down triangles. If we interlock the two, masculine and feminine, we get a hexagram, the shape that illustrates the idea of “as above, so below”. It is also the symbol of the heart chakra. The 6 pointed hexagram thus illustrates the number 6; the number that governs the Lovers card. Therefore 3+3= 6,the number of Divine love. And all love, when perfect and unselfish, is Divine. To love others is to love yourself and to love yourself is to love the Divine because we are divine.

Therefore, for some people like myself, on a spiritual level, multiple lovers just makes sense to me. And the question I have to ask is why do I have to choose one or the other when there’s a third choice, to love in the way that my soul desires. We have many soulmates from many lifetimes and love is the way to set old karma right.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that these love affairs have to be physical. Some of my most satisfying romantic experiences have been purely emotional without any physical contact involved. There are lots of ways to love and be loved and there are many ways to enjoy the play of the illusion of romance. 

There’s a theory that consciousness in the third dimension is really just a drama we set out to act in. The souls we meet and ourselves plan out what we want to accomplish and how to do it before we encarnrte on earth. But it is up to free will once we forget the plan if we act out the drama the way it was planned or not. So in a way, we have chosen who we will love long before we meet them.

In the end, love is creativity and I am a creative person. Love inspires me to see the beauty in the world and those I love are my muses.

I haven’t publicly come out as poly because it’s difficult for people to understand. It’s what being gay was before it gained so much acceptance. Maybe in the future people will see love and experience it without inhibition in such a morally constringent world. But for now, I keep an altar to Venus, the goddess of love, beauty and fertility because she understands my feelings. And although I have chosen monogamy, I have found other ways to let my love flow freely– through language and the romance of words.

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