The Lovers and the Power of Free Will

I have a fun little app that gives me a three card Tarot reading every day and surprisingly, it’s always spot on. This recent reading was no different.

The 4 of Wands (Past): indicates a time of happiness and stability. Love, friendship, family and all the good stuff surrounded me.

The Lovers (Present): This is where things get interesting. I spent a good part of June working with the Lovers card and its corresponding path on the Tree of Life. It was an amazing, incredible, beautiful journey. Out of all of the Paths of the Tree of Life I’ve studied thus far, this one is probably the most euphoric. It prepared me to make a choice which was the equivalent of leaving Eden. I put a representation of the World Egg on my altar and prepared myself for it to hatch.

When Mars went direct, I focused my energy into the new paradigm I wanted to enter. The chick inside the egg was born into the coils of the snake. And this is the idea of the World Egg. Smash the shell to birth a new world but you lose innocence in the process. But the thing is, it’s supposed to happen this way. There is no way to preserve innocence. Even if you try to keep something pure, the kiss of death always steals purity’s final breathe.

So I should have seen what was coming but somehow, even though I’d contemplated the idea of the World Egg enough to understand the risks, I believed the loss of innocence would not be painful. But I was stupid. What happened instead is that I was poisoned by the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge and exiled me from Eden.

The Devil (Future): It’s funny that my Partner’s name is Adam because the choice I made led to me baring my naked heart with all the mistakes I’ve made to him, just as Eve did to her Adam when she made the mistake of eating the forbidden fruit.

I’d listened to the temptation of the serpent and let it coil itself around me. And it felt really, really good. I indulged in it and reveled in it and even now I don’t see anything wrong with it although everyone around me seems to think the opposite. My folly was not the pleasure but the  lies and deception it brought with it.  And when the truth became too much to bare, I came to realize how big of a mess I’d made. The result: I lost something really important to me that is completely irreplaceable. Now I can make the choice to remain chained by the consequences of my decision or accept the bitter lesson that I have to rethink the ways in which I form relationships with people and change accordingly.

But when it comes down to it, I’m on a quest for knowledge. I want to solve the biggest mystery of my spiritual life. The mistake I made was directly related to the mystery that keeps calling me. And I thought the answers and the truth were so close. But in the end, I was too human to grasp it. My desire for the secret was too great and became lust and formed a limiting attachment.

“The joy of chasing the Divine is that you will never catch it.”

And I’m reminded once again that if I really believe I can catch the Divine or that I can truly understand all the esoteric secrets that go along with studying mysticism, then I’m nothing but a Fool.

There’s no way back into Eden so I can’t look back. In angel lore, the demons that fell became ugly and twisted because they were so angry and hurt by the loss of heaven that they burrowed into the ground to escape the light. I am awake and there is no need to hide from the dawn. Time to get up and get moving, no matter how heavy and groggy I feel.

Now I’m working with the Chariot and its corresponding path on the Tree of Life. But the message in this reading here is that I’m still stuck on the lesson of the Lovers and I have to accept the consequences of my actions to fully move forward as the Chariot suggests.

It’s interesting, because all of this is a result of the book I wrote; every literal last word of it. To the point that I feel, looking back now, that if there is such a thing as alternate realities, I’m living the story in a different translation. There’s a quote I like that says something to the equivalent as “every book is true in a different time and place.” And I marvel at the power of the written word.

In Judaism, each letter of the Hebrew alphabet is seen as an echo of creation, which is why each path of the Tree of Life is attributed to a Hebrew Letter. Learning the paths gives you the power to create.  So use the power of your words and write down the future you choose or better yet, speak your intentions, your choices aloud. It is here where true magic happens. And there are many roads to get to where you are going.

For me, at this particular time in this particular reality, I feel that if I don’t continue writing my series after a year hiatus, I may just go insane. I need a place to put all these feelings that have no where to go and the last time I experienced this, I was inspired to bring my novel that I’m querying into existance.  An early draft of Book II has been waiting around to be reworked but I couldn’t find the angle. Now I feel like a direction is clearer. But now I just need to find the time … or figure out how to altar time so I have more of it (haha).

Here’s hoping the end result of all of this is a bestseller. You’re gonna read my books, right?

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