Every once in a while I get personal on Magdalena Tarot because this is an intense time for a lot of people and if you’re experiencing revolutionary change, know you are not alone.
So my Tarot readings have been pretty dramatic lately. I’ve been reflecting on how I’ve changed since the last eclipse season and a lot has happened. At the start of the last eclipse season I was tearfully saying goodbye to the life I knew with my ex of 5 years. We locked the door of our apartment on July 31, 2017. He went to be with the woman he left me for, I went to start a new life in a house full of empowered women in recovery of heartbreak. When my roommate picked me up, there was a full rainbow arching over the apartment, line the 10 of Cups promising me I was moving on to something better.
The last eclipse season started on August 7, 2017 with a partial eclipse of the Moon in Aquarius followed by a total eclipse of the Sun in Leo on August 21, 2017. The lunar eclipse wasn’t visible in the US. But I did go to the middle of nowhere KY to see totality for the solar eclipse and knocked something I’d always wanted to do off my bucket list. It was extraordinary, I’d never seen anything like it. I thought about what it would be like to be living in the ancient world and not having any explanation of what was happening in the sky, just looking up and Ba Da! There it is. All I could do was lay on my back in awe at the spectacle in the sky. It was probably the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I got hired on at my job full time and Magdalena Tarot had a prosperous fall. I did my first BIG psychic fair and did well for myself! I connected with people in the Tarot community and helped promote some decks and even a Tarot Subscription Box.
I also did a full Magdalena Tower booth at Pagan Pride. I even gave a talk on Tarot and story telling at Isis Books for Denver Tarot Meetup. I read Tarot at Witch’s Ball and Dark Goddess Festival to wrap up the season.
My roommate had a kitten, Trouble, that became my good friend and helped me while I was dealing with the transition into my new home. Having an animal that loves you unconditionally is such a healing thing. Trouble became my familiar and participated in rituals and meditations. However, Trouble also had feline leukemia. She got really sick and we had to put her down. When she was dying, she looked at me with such love and told me to never give up. I still miss her a lot.
But then I got to get closer with this big, 20 lb hunk of kitty named Apollo after trouble died. He can be a dick but usually he’s a cuddle bug.
My roommate’s have been such a huge support and blessing to me in this time of transition and change. Super lucky to have these ladies on this journey with me!
Then I met someone (keep scrolling past the pic below)
I kept pulling the Lovers and my orchid I swore was dead bloomed and I knew I was going to meet someone. Enter “The Magician”.
One thing I can say about The Magician is that I never thought my first attempt to connect with a man physically after my ex would be a sensual relationship built on our love of the occult and our mutual dislike of each other. We would have brilliant conversations about mysticism while telling each other to fuck off and then we would just say “fuck it” and fuck. It was a strange “friendship” and it wasn’t bringing anything positive to my life. After about 6 weeks of being caught in a love/hate game, I decided that although I thought he was a brilliant magician and occultist, we didn’t see eye to eye on some very, very important things. I read the Rosicrucian Contribution to Peace, something I read sometimes when I’m conflicted about a decision. The Contribution to Peace was my verification that I wasn’t contributing to peace at all and didn’t contact the Magician again after that.
I also learned a little something about alchemy. For a short while, I had some strange gold coins in my possession that looked like what an occult Bitcoin would look like. I started reading up on alchemy and had a few very mystical experiences involving the alchemy of the soul happen to me. This is all tied in with my Rosicrucian studies continue to blow my mind along with the downloads I’ve been getting in relation to the material. I’ve seen a sharp spike in my psychic abilities and I’m starting to understand the concept of telepathy to the point that it’s getting intense. I’ve had people apologize to me in dreams that I haven’t spoken to in years and had strangers I was checking out from behind turn around suddenly and strike up conversation with me out of nowhere. My openness to telepathy brought my ex and I into a collision of fate at Barnes and Noble. He told me he had been trying to reach me on a cosmic level and after the dreams and all the times I got turned around downtown and ended up in front of his work, I knew that meeting happened because of our remaining telepathic connection. I used to dream about him every night when I was 12. I knew my ex before I met him so we’ve always had a psychic connection. But even though my ex claimed that he wanted me back in his life, he didn’t prove that he was ready to make the sacrifice I felt needed for us to reconnect. It was hard, but I put him back on block and sent him on his way. I still miss my ex and I’m trying to move on but old wounds that I thought had healed. But the encounter served as an important message: I wasn’t over him like I said I was. I really was just repressing my feelings so I’m just working on accepting that our journey together for now is finished.
Christmas came and went too. I went back to Kentucky again, this time I went to see my family for the holidays. It was a lightening fast trip but it was a good one. It was nice being home for Christmas for the first time in 2 years. We also celebrated my birthday early since I would be back in Denver by New Years (my birthday).
Back in Denver, on New Year’s Eve, my roommates and I got a kitten name Bahgeera. She rips some of the raunchiest farts but she’s still a cutie pa tootie. She’s a little stinker … literally.
And I had a great birthday! I went to see one of my favorite DJs, Armin Van Buuren, and I got right front and center for the show. It was the best birthday present from the Universe to dance and sing with Armin on my birthday. I was close enough to make eye contact with him and sing and point at each other so I sort of got to “meet” Armin. The only thing that would have made it better is if he came out with a birthday cake for me and sang me happy birthday.
After the big party I went to a house party. I connected with a friend unexpectedly which led me to understand that I don’t just need to work through my feelings about my ex, I need to work through my feelings toward men in general.
It’s weird because I’ve always surrounded myself with men since high school. I didn’t like women and I didn’t want anything to do with them. Sometimes it was weird when a friend would get a crush on me that I wasn’t attracted to or vice versa but we always worked through it and usually stayed friends. So for literally half of my life I did my best to not associate with women because so many women had stabbed me in the back and I don’t have a good relationship with my mother so I shut the door of Feminine energy despite the fact that I honored the goddess at the same time. And I did ask Her to help me heal my relationship with females and she’s taught me a lot about that.
But in order to learn that lesson, things had to get weird with men. A couple of years ago I started feeling confused in some of my friendships with men and it made a big mess for me. I’m a very sensual, flirty person and recently, that has been causing me more bad luck than good in love. I don’t have a lot of deep, interpersonal connections with men these days. I work in an office filled with women and I live in a house full of women. Most of my close friends these days are women. So although I’ve healed my relationship with the Feminine Divine, I now have some healing to do with my connection with the Divine Masculine.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate men, in fact, I adore them. I love men of all colors, shapes, sizes. I just love men and the sacred Divine Masculine that dwells within them. I find being around men intoxicating in mind, body and spirit.
But as much as I love men, this admiration for them has gotten me hurt so many times that I’m afraid to get close to them. Every time I think there’s a spark, it fizzles out. I find myself asking if I just come on too strong or if people just don’t want anything serious these days or if I’m completely clueless about how the internet has changed the way men and women communicate with each other.
Recently, I’ve been making very brief but very intense connections with men and my readings keep telling me someone is on the way soon. But I’m kind of intimidated by that because I fall in love so easily. I fall in love for a night or fall for beautiful stranger on the street. I fall in love fast and hard, like falling from heaven. My heart is so big that I never stop loving the people who touched my life, even if it was for a moment. I sometimes wonder if that make me broken or do I just love like an angel?
My tarot readings really heated up this week but it figures since the eclipse is coming and they directly relate to the current state of my relationship with men. Every reading was striking so I posted them all below.
So I asked the cards what I can do to not feel so confused by my interactions with men and those snarky little cards told me to loosen up and be more flexible to the different ways in which I can connect with men.
It’s been interesting going out and connecting with men that I meet at events lately. I’ve been dancing, having fun and making connections with men. I’m trying not to have any expectations, just taking connections as they come and being open to whatever they turn in to. I figure when a connection is strong enough, something will build from there. I guess that moment is coming soon judging by those readings so I’m curious as to who this lucky gentleman is. 😉
For now, I’m working out, slaying it at work, changing my diet, and working on Magdalena Tarot. I think things are moving in an interesting direction. I’m trying to get more focused and organized as far as staying on a regular schedule with posts for Magdalena Tarot and listing in Magdalena Tower.
So I think I’ve grown a lot since the last eclipse season. I’ve successfully become an independent woman. I’ve worked a lot on healing myself and I’m learning how to attract things to me, including a partner that is on my level. I’m will to make a connecting and let it last as long as it’s meant to and I’m wise enough to know when something is done — both romantically and in friendships. I’ve learned a lot about relationships in general and more importantly, I’ve learned about how my heart works so I can take care of my heart better.
So this is the lesson the Leo Heart Centered Solar Eclipse brought and the Leo Lunar Eclipse is wrapping up. It’s interesting to note that this ecilpse seasons is a mirrored refleciton of the last one with the Lunar eclipse in Leo and the Solar eclipse in Aquarius this time around. Get ready, we’re heading for some big things..