ne

I can

and this is why:

I oozed sex wherever I went in my teens. I loved being jail bait and I used sex as a way to control situations because someone secure in their sexuality is dominating. I was a walking Aphrodite — pushing the dress code until the envelope fell off the table at school, wearing lingerie as streetwear when I went out with my boyfriend, winning best dressed but being vetoed because I was considered too “controversial”. I went around the world as an adult. I had lovers in different countries and different cities before I settled down with my ex husband (we married in a private pagan ceremony but it was never on paper). When I was traveling, I’d leave a man’s bed in one town and go to a bed in another because I was always on an adventure. I loved having options of who I could snuggle up with when I rolled through town. My mom said I “had a man in every port.” So I thought I wanted monogamy when I settled down with my ex. I was engaged several times before but I was the one who couldn’t commit most of the time. I was too wild, too free. But my ex had something that intrigued me. I met a this wonderful, magical, imaginative man who captured my heart while working on a fashion show I was modeling and dancing in. I thought I could commit to him, but Venus tested us when guided me through a very powerful retrograde during our 4th year of being together. I learned Venus that I will never be able to love just one person and I have never loved just one person from that Venus retrograde. It was difficult for me to accept. I didn’t accept it until I destroyed my relationship because I fell in love with a friend and his wife. Nothing good came out of that. There was a lot of lying, whispered phone calls, texting in the middle of the night … and a lot of tears and anger and counseling sessions once my cover was blown. I lost everyone and everything. Through this experience, Venus showed me I’m different. I don’t fit into our world that only allows you to love ONE person and bisexual people are scorned. I was shamed by everyone who knew about what happened. No one understood that I was just loving several people because it felt right to me. But I’m not monotheistic … and so it follows that I’m not monogamous. Once I learned that about myself, I’ve been very honest about my beliefs it’s turned a lot of potential partners away. Many people believe the patriarchal message that you MUST only love one person — that it’s not possible to have a couple of lovers. But I have never met one person can’t fit all my needs and I don’t want love to sour because a lover is only human and can only do so much. I get the benefit of traveling the Tarot each issue of Magdalena Tarot Magazine. It’s almost an initiatory process, which is why I wrote the text for the Tarot book that I’ve broken up in each issue. Magdalena Tarot Magazine Issue 5: The Hierophant was a hard issue for me … it brought up a lot of that shame from growing up Catholic and I had to get past that. But I didn’t realize that how by working with the Hierophant, it would open a door for me to embrace my sexuality again when I moved on to the Lovers. Magdalena Tarot Magazine Issue 6: The Lovers Scorpio 2021 brought with it a sexual awakening which was shocking because I thought I’d been there seen that. I was living a monastic kind of life for a while — studying the occult and focused on creating sacred art. I milked messages from the stars as a guiding light in a starless future. I was seriously contemplating entering a monastery. But then the Lovers card woke something up in me. All of a sudden two very attractive men began courting me at the same time. They couldn’t be more different than night and day. One is 13 years younger than me, the other is 10 years older than me. They’re both rockstars in their own way and I mean this literally, but so am I. It’s rare to meet someone rockstar enough to be with me, so when I found two wonderful men that I adore (plus my long distance, online man who has been a wonderful companion since the beginning of COVID), I didn’t want to choose. I told everyone I’m not a one man kind of woman and I need my freedom. And now I’m able to love all three of them at the same time and it’s lovely. Amanda and Kara helped me take pictures for my lovers tonight. I don’t give out pictures for free and the only pictures I do circulate are carefully curated boudoir pictures or tasteful nudes when gifted lingerie. If you’re my lover and you want pictures, you must gift me lingerie. I used to figure model in college. I had a clientele and I did art classes, private lessons and private group drawing sessions. It was a wonderful experience and I was a popular model because people found me classically beautiful and entertaining. I’ve traveled the world fire dancing and entertaining, I’ve worked in television — you couldn’t afford porn of me because I put a price on that a long time ago when I used to get offers that I never felt called to take — but I’ll do something beautiful for lingerie. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I’m a devotee of Aphrodite which is why I live a life of beauty. And as Venus retrograde in my home sign of Capricorn approaches, I find myself going back to the wild, sexy, free loving woman I was before I gave up on love. It’s odd. I’ve found myself revisiting issues from high school this past year. Sometimes it felt like going to high school as an adult and getting the chance to do things over with an adult mind. It feels great to have a do over. So here’s a treat to honor Venus: me wearing green for Aprhodite, for the realm of Netchez and for a life dedicated to art and beauty, with love. As a dovotee of Aprhodite, I post this as an offering for a sweet retrograde. Bless me with the knowledge of the art of love. XOXOXO, Alanna, L.P. Magdalena Tarot